Ethan Holmes, Rambling Man

I was thinking the other day. I do that on occasion. Then I seem to take a few days off.

Does an onion cry when you cut it?

Does broccoli scream when you put it in the steamer?

Are you torturing apples when you put them in the blender and make applesauce?

What would happen if you just got in a roundabout and just kept going around and around?

I live life on the edge. Just the other day I deliberately crossed the double yellow line.

My toothbrush has the same size motor in it as my motorcycle but uses less gas.

I recently dyed my hair red and it turned my teeth pink.

I played tennis this morning but it only lasted five minutes. Repeatedly jumping over the net is exhausting.

I looked in the mirror this morning and there was someone staring at me.

I was going to do laundry today but my rock broke.

I’m looking for the girl of my dreams and keep getting nightmares.

I’m addicted to self-help books. I just can’t help myself.

You may be a hoarder if the only way out of your house is the bathroom window.

I can remember getting a camera when I was ten but I can’t remember where I set the car keys ten minutes ago.

A few weeks ago I hurt both feet and couldn’t figure out which one to limp on.

My left hand is stronger than my right eye. Does that make me ambidextrous?

What would happen if you snatched someone’s cell phone at the mall, threw it in the fountain and yelled, “It’s an emergency!”?

With the planet’s sea levels rising, it won’t be long before I’ll finally get to use my snorkeling equipment here in Arizona.

If it’s all about global warming, why was my last heating bill $156.00?

Searching for the girl of my dreams is like looking through the window at my car keys sitting on the seat of my locked car.

Dating is like eating Jelly Belly’s; they’re expensive and you have no idea what flavor you’re going to get.

If I look at you through the bottom of my wine glass it looks like you lost twenty pounds.

Sometimes you just have to stop and listen to the voices in your head.

Ethan Holmes is the author of Earth’s Blood, The Keystone, Shorts and Other Laundry, A Multi-Pack of Brain Flakes and his latest release,

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Ethan Holmes takes a humorous look at the many choices presented to us in life and the paths those choices set us upon. (Available in Paperback!)

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About Ethan Holmes

Ethan Holmes currently resides in Northern Arizona and he is the author of seven published books; Earth's Blood, The Keystone, A Multi-Pack of Brain Flakes, Shorts and Other Laundry, Live Your Life In A Crap Free Zone, Water. and his new novella, The Town of Perfect. When he is not writing Ethan is also a professional freelance nature photographer.
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